Why I Love Him

 Hi,

I can’t sleep so here’s me and my justification why I love him and why so hard for me to move on.

First, he’s always there for me. Currently I’m pursuing my master’s degree in Mechatronics. Back to when i started to apply for the course everyone around me told not to do so. Some said it’s not worth it, better for me to take management course. It’ll help to elevate my position. Some worrying I’ll be too stressed and can’t handle it. Some said I’d jumped off the bridge (i know they’re just kidding tapi saya terasa ya). BUT HE’S THERE. The only person who came to me and said “Just do it, take the course you’ve always wanted. I’ll support you and always be here for you. You can do it, I know you can”.

Next, I bought a new car end of April I guess. Everyone came to me and said “Why did you change your car?”, “ Why you took that car, should’ve taken other”, “You know the tires damned pricey, habis la kau”, “How you’re gonna pay?”, “Patutnya jangan tukar kereta lagi. Tunggu and simpan duit dulu.” Bla bla. HE’S THE ONLY PERSON THAT SAID TO ME “I’M PROUD OF YOU” while NO ONE ELSE DID.

He believed in me more than I believed in myself. He’s there for me more than anyone ever did and that’s why my friend it’s so freaking hard to move on.

Sekian, nak tidur!!

After A Year

 Hi and hello peeps,

Like always la kan after a year ada lah post baru yang tak berkaitan and tak ada siapa nak baca. Kena tunggu setahun baru reti nak bukak blog. Ye lah sekarang kan bukan zaman blog lagi dah. Sekarang zaman tiktok dah. Short videos but I stick to this kind of thing since aku ni kan oldschool. Adik aku selalu cakap aku ni old school and aku punya music playlist pun banyaknya lagu lama-lama. I am okay with that. Tapi, aku ada okay tiktok. Do follow me. My name is mininakinura. 

Okay, aku pun bukan nak cerita pasal zaman-zaman dah berlalu yang aku tak reti nak moveo on tu sangat, just wanna talk about how my life sekarang. Dari form one start blogging and now aku dah ada stable job, dah jadi engineer dah pun. Dah besar rupanya aku ni, cuma nak kahwin bila tu je lah aku taktau. Hahaha okay tak nak mention pasal kahwin sebab calon pun takada lagi. Jangan kata jasad, bayang pun aku nampak lagi. Kalau samar-samar tu better but nope, tak ada langsung. 

Aku ada jugak plan nak buat balik vlog macam aku selalu buat zaman study dulu eventhough i know tak ada siapa pun nak tengok but i did out of interest in editing kan. Tapi tu lah, entah la macam tak ada semangat pun ada. Lately ni, my depression become worst like really worst. Barcode? dah jadi macam routine dah. Lengan aku memang tak cantik dah. I try really hard to overcome it. Pray for me lah, because I don't know how long I can stand. I'm not gonna talk about that so let's move on to how's my life right now. 

Now I am an engineer in a factory yang namanya dirahsiakan. Fikir-fikir balik kan, I am proud jugak lah in myself. I am now an engineer but QA engineer lah tapi. Quality Assurance adalah department yang paling aku elakkan masa aku mintak kerja. Satu pun aku tak mintak QA. It's not aku tak boleh go, in fact I do well masa subject Quality Engineering dulu. I got A okay and I participated in class discussion. My quizzes also all got As. Tapi itulah, orang kata lagi kita taknak lagi kita dapat kan. So aku taknak lah jadi kaya. Okay tak. Kan Tuhan dah kata, tak semestinya apa yang kamu tak suka itu buruk bagi kamu so aku just think that this is the best for me right now. I do well in my work. 

Stress? itu normal as an engineer especially in industry macam aku. I have plan to further my study. Nak ambik master lah but I don't know where. Aku ada tengok UKM, ada lah course aku nak tu and also UTM, not to forget IIUM but aku still tak tau aku boleh commit ke tak. Untuk study and focus I know I can do it tapi untuk commit going to class everyweek macam, oh god sebab yang aku mintak semuanya 5 jam perjalanan dari tempat yang aku stay right now. I'm dying to study again. I miss all those moment. Aku harap next year, I'll be a postgrad student lah kot. Pray for me okay.

I'll be posting here once a week kot after this because this blog has some kind of healing. It reminds me of my old self. Eventhough I know no one gonna read it. 

Bye.....

Another Heartbreak

 Hi,

This is another heartbreak story!!!

After I broke up, I'd fall for someone else. Someone I thought more mature than me because he is 3 years older than me. We went out, he always give me strength and motivation as at that time I was on my internship programme and he basically gave me motivation on becoming an engineer because he is one. I had fall for him. I know it's kinda early because I'd just broke up with my ex.

After a few month of knowing each other, he went missing for a few days. I'd told my friend if he came back I'd tell him that I like him. On my birthday I prayed to God, if he is really mine, make him come back to me. At 2 pm that day, he texted me and wished for my birthday. Since I thought maybe this is maybe a hint from God, I'd confessed my feeling to him. I literally told him I like him. Well, a feeling will always be a feeling, he told me we're just friend and nothing more. I except that and continued to be friend with him. We still went out, sometimes we watched movie together. My feeling for him never fade. 

Being rejected was not the saddest part. Last week, I went out with him to watch spiderman together. That night I saw a picture of a girl and I ask him the next day. I ask if that girl is his girlfriend and he just said it is complicated. I know that's the cue for me to walk away. I don't want to go out with someone else's no matter what excuses he gave. I need and have to walk away. My heart broke into thousand of pieces and I don't think I have some left. It is my fault at the first place to have feeling for someone else. 

Two heartbreaks in the same year. My depression becoming worse. More bad things that had happened. My cat died. I feel like I'm becoming someone else with different personality. I'm being rebellious with myself. I couldn't wait for 2021 to end because it is such a disastrous year. I just wanted to focus on my career and nothing else since I am a QA engineer now. I will make myself busy with works so I don't have time to miss him.  I don't have a choice. 

Note to myself : Please don't fall in love again. You don't have any heart to give. 

Note to him : I still have feeling for you and hope it'll be over soon. I hope you'll be happy.

Maybe He's Not The One For Me

 Hi.

It's me again. Looking for a place to rant, and I remember I had a blog, a place that I always rant on everything back in the old days. 

    I just broke up. After 3 years of relationship, he said he cannot give me the attention that I need and he's not ready to have someone in his life. AFTER THREE FREAKING YEARS OF RELATIONSHIP. Well, I know that's just some stupid and childish excuses. I thought maybe I'm too clingy to him until he realize that he didn't need a girlfriend.

    Later last night, I found out he went out with a girl and most likely he left me not because of he's not ready or what but literally because of he had his eyes for another girl. I feel like I'm being used. Maybe he's bored during his degree time and needing someone to do his quizzes and stuff. 

    There's me standing there waiting like a stupid person believing in everything he said including when I found out he'd been texting his ex and he said they're just friend. Well, I hope someone can slap me in the pass on how stupid I was.

So, I'm afraid to fall in love again. Maybe not for the rest of my life but for some time. I maybe got a crush for a moment, but to fall in love, no thank you. 

I Did Stupid Thing

Hi guys.

I know now it's covid thingy everywhere but I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm gonna talk about me but before that have you wash your hand? 

 Jangan lupa kerap basuh tanya ye guys. Jangan keluar rumah.

Few weeks ago, I didn't go for my usual appointment with the psychiatrist. Well, I thought that I was okay but tak pun actually. Last semester aku ada satu subject ni which is Machine Component Design. Subject core with 3 credits hour. Aku bukannya bijak sangat, tapi kalau subject yang ada calculation ni aku boleh go. Memang minat tu ada dengan calculation. That's why I choose engineering. 

Masa week last tu, aku ada tanya lecturer and apa yang dia cakap focus past year semester january 2019. Aku buat weyh. Aku study and aku focus gila past year. Alhamdulillah memang masuk sebijik-sebijik. Dengan yakinnya aku boleh jawab final. Carry mark aku takde lah full tapi tak rendah jugak. Kira boleh tahan la. Dalam 49 macam tu. Tapi final aku memang yakin gila aku boleh jawab. Aku spend masa dalam dua jam jawab final paper tu since mostly semua soalan aku dah pernah buat.

And then masa result keluar, GPA aku jatuh. Jatuh teruk and I don't know why. Aku tau aku ada C masa tu but I don't know which subject. Aku relax lagi masa tu sebab ada la jugak a few subject aku tak yakin. After ful result keluar, betapa terkejutnya aku MCD aku yang C. C solid tau guys bukan C+. Masa tu aku rasa macam hancur gila hati. Kenapa subject yang aku yakin tu lah yang dapat teruk. Why? aku ada buat silap ke.

Aku nekad aku nak recheck. Satu subject RM100. Sebab aku yakin aku boleh jawab. Aku recheck. Aku tak kira. Maybe lecturer salah kira. After a week macam tu, result pun keluar. Academic department call aku suruh datang ambik result. Aku masa tu tak senang duduk. Unlucky for me, result aku tak berubah pun. Still C. Aku tak tau salah aku kat mana. Aku heartbroken gila babi. Aku tak tau nak fikir apa dah masa tu. Aku jadi serabut, kusut semua ada. Aku terus balik bilik. AKu tak makan.

Aku jadi menyampah dengan diri aku. Aku menangis sorang-sorang. Aku taknak la menangis depan orang, depan Amirul. That's not me. Selagi aku boleh senyum, aku senyum. But kat bilik, aku sorang-sorang aku menangis. Aku taktau kat mana salah aku. AKu fikir macam-macam. Semua benda yang aku tulis tu salah ke? ataupun tu hanya halusinasi aku je? macam-macam aku fikir sampai aku rasa macam entah-entah aku ni dah gila agaknya. Masa tu aku dah start tak boleh nak beza reality dengan mimpi. Aku rasa macam aku ni tengah dalam mimpi tapi aku tak boleh nak bangun. Aku rasa macam time tu tak real. Aku taktau ak explain macam mana tapi benda tu selalu jadi kat aku.

Apa aku buat? aku ambik gunting atas meja aku tu, aku toreh tangan aku. Sikit je la tapi. Sikit pun letak jugak la parut sampai sekarang. Bodoh kan aku? Bila aku fikir balik, bila aku nampak parut tu, aku macam tanya diri sendiri. Kenapa aku buat tu? masa tu aku rasa macam I just wanna hurt myself because she is so stupid. She can't even takecare of herself. I hate her. I hate myself. 

Entah la. Orang cakap kita kena sayang diri kita. Yes, i do love myself. But sometimes perasaan tu datang tanpa diundang. Benci, menyampah nak nangis semua ada. Bila cerita kat orang, orang macam kau kena lawan perasaan tu kau tak boleh layan. Aku kadang-kadang penat. Suicide thought? Banyak kali dah, tapi sebabnya aku masih ada iman. Aku fikir masih ada orang yang sayang aku. Orang tak faham apa yang aku rasa, so aku takleh salahkan mereka kan. Sebab tu kadang-kadang aku prefer diam. Menangis sorang-sorang. 

Aku sekarang lebih prefer duduk sorang-sorang. Kalau rasa tu datang, aku menangis je. Sampai aku tertidur. Cuma kadang-kadang I took medicine,

First Entry in 2020

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

HI GUYS.

After two years lamanya aku tak bukak blog ni. Dah bersarang berhabuk semua ada. Sumpah aku rindu nak tulis blog balik. Editing and stuff. Aku rindu sangat. Tapi nak buat macam mana. Bila dah sambung belajar ni lama-lama lupa yang kita ada blog.

By the way, sekarang kan tengah cuti semester. Aku pun tinggal lagi beberapa sem je lagi nak habis study. To be exact ada 3 sem lagi. Tahun depan intern dan kemudia masuklah working life. Yay. Tak sabar. Aku sekarang dah makin menjadi aku yang dulu. Frankly speaking, aku sangat-sangat rindu aku yang dulu. 

Lately ni aku sibuk update wattpad. Ceh, Saja mengisi masa lapang dengan writing online novel yang ceritanya mungkin entah apa-apa. Tapi aku sangat enjoy. Like I'm creating my own world with my own stories and rules. That's how I am dulu. Rajin-rajin singgah la kat page wattpad aku. Ini aku ada letak link story yang aku baru buat.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/212469719-i-my-me-mine

Aku dah karang cerita ni dah lama dah. Dari zaman aku sekolah lagi. Tapi masa tu entah lah. Maca gitu je lah. Ini sebab aku recreate balik. Sebabnya aku nak jadi aku yang dulu. Aku tak suka aku yang sekarang. Aku yang sekarang banyak masalah dan aku tak tau maca mana nak solve semua benda.

Last year aku dah start jumpa psychiatrist. Anxiety. Aku rasa life aku sekarang celaru sangat-sangat. Entahlah. Sebab tu aku decide aku nak jadi aku yang dulu balik. Aku yang tak pernah nak kisah apa yang jadi. Dulu aku sangat-sangat penyabar. Aku pandai nak buang stress aku. Sekarang ni aku rasa aku banyak mengangis je. Paling teruk panic attack.

Goals aku untuk 2020 ni, aku nak update blog ni sekerap yang mungkin. Tak kisah lah ada reader ke tak. Aku pun ada buat video kat youtube. Nampak tak betapa macam-macamnya aku buat demi mencari jawapan bahawa aku pun layak di atas muka bumi ni. 

Samapi sini je dulu entry aku sebab sekarang pun dah pukul dua pagi. Walaupun esok cuti aku still kena bangun awal kan. Bye guys. 

Goodnight.

The Better One

Assalamualaikum
Hi guys.

It has been a long long long time since I made a new entry. As for today, I think for the second time I wanna let out what my heart think. eh?
I wanna tell you guys, that my life has been better since the last time i posted an entry regarding myself about the unrequited love.

Someone had given me this sentence.

“Let the good one go, the better one will come.”

That moment I was so heartbroken because I like someone, I confessed and I got rejected. I feel so stupid at that time because that was the first time in my life I told someone that I like about my feelings. So stupid of me.

Time passed.

I enjoy my study life. I have a guy friend at that time. He knew about my sad unrequited love story. After that heartbroken thing and all that stuff, I told myself that I don’t want to get my heart hurt again. Cukuplah aku nampak dia tiap-tiap hari waktu tu. Aduhmakkk.

He is my classmate. I don’t really remember how we get along but he is so special. I realized that I like him a few weeks before our first semester break. But that also gotten me into problem. Biggest problem. I’m in love with my guy friend and at the same time he likes my friend. I thought that I need some space and you know what I had taken a form. You know what form? Course changing form. 

Tapi itulah…tukar course jumpa crush lama. But I thought it’s better that way. Tapi lupa hantar so hahahahaha.

Masa cuti tu hand phone 24/7 kat tangan so that if he whatsapp me I can reply it ASAP. Sedih tu sedih tapi I don’t know why. Aku stay.

After all that happen, I can say that it’s fate that bring us together. He likes me too. Hehehehe. Of course it is not me who start to confess first but I gave a few hint. 

Blaaa..blaaa…blaaa.

And now I am so happy with him. He is the better one that come to rescue my heart from getting hurt again and I hope we will always be together sampai kahwin sampai bila-bila.

To that someone that drop the comment in my previous entry, the one who had given me the motivation. Thank you so much. I have found my better one.

UniKL MSI

Assalamualaikum

Hi and hello

My name is Aika and I am a student at University Kuala Lumpur Malaysian Spanish Institute. 

After 10 weeks of studying and after one sem being a student, what can I say is that it's so fantastic. Well, being a student again and pursue my degree is my main priority. Well, of course, I do need my degree if I want to be an engineer kan.

What is MSI?
MSI stands for Malaysian Spanish Institute which is located in Kulim, Kedah. Other people yang dengar will be like
"seriously kat Kulim je?"
"MSI? Kat mana tu, tak pernah dengar pun."

As for me, no matter where you study as long as you gain knowledge then it's okay. Pergi nak belajar bukannya nak bersuka ria riang gembira.

Walaupun MSI tu is not like everyone's dream for a university, tapi entah la aku suka study situ. Walaupun MSI tu kecik but still there's a big hall, a big field, gelanggang futsal, netball and so on. Ada lima hostel, 4 for boys and 1 for girl. There you go. Imagine how many girls are there in MSI? Not much but boleh la hidup tu. It's like another world with boys. Just kidding. Aku pun tak pasti apa aku mengarut ni.

In my class, there's 24 students and only 4 girls including me. Okay la tu at least I'm not alone anymore. Only one academic building and dekat dengan hostel so kalau nak keluar five minutes before the class start pun still sempat.

Well, i don't even care what people will say. Contohnya macam "kenapa masuk ipts? yuran mahal kott." Ye I know the tuition fees is a lil' bit expensive. Bukan a little bit la memang expensive pun. RM7500 per semester but hey we got MARA here. Yang penting masa depan aku terjamin. Suratan takdir aku kat situ.

Sekian sahaja aku mengarut hari ini.

Unrequited Love

Assalamualaikum

Hi and hello

Greeting, earthlings. Well, as for this morning which wifi is so at super speed, i had taken my step to make an entry but as usual i don't know what should i write so I thought that maybe I should write about what happen to me at the moment. According to title, i guess all of know what happen right.

Falling in love is not our choice. Sometimes, it just happened that way. Fall for someone at the first sight, fall for someone that being nice to you. That is something that we cannot control. Even me, fall for someone that's really nice, gentleman and very cute. But unluckily for me, i think that i have taken the wrong step. I like him the way he is. The way he talks, the way his hair were done and of course the way he smile.

I confessed.

What a big mistake that I've done. I thought that when I told him my feeling, then I could get away from it. I could be free. I could feel satisfied. I was wrong. It hurts more when he didn't say what you really want. What you hope is not what you get. An unrequited love is something that can be terrible sometime.It become more worse when you can't even play badminton together with him. That's what happened to me. I was playing badminton, and then he came then suddenly he became my partner and there it goes. My mind went blank and I didn't know what to do, what to react and in the end, I stopped the game and pretending I wanna go to the toilet. Then, I thought how stupid I was.

I don't know what he thinks of me and I really wanna know. Do you know how much I miss how I can see he smile. The way he speaks to me. The way he came and ask me is everything okay when everyone just don't really care. The way he ask me, where I usually eat. I just miss all of that.

Well, that is all about. My heart, my feeling, my thought. I know it can be really hurt sometimes, but there's something that makes you wanna stay. I just don't know.

Short Girl

HI AND HELLO

Being a short girl is not a bad thing actually. Well, i know it because 'AKU PUN PENDEK JUGAK'. My height is 143cm which lebih kurang 4'6'' which actually very short i think. Everywhere I go, I'll be the shortest one. Shortest in my class, shortest in the gang, everywhere unless there's a kid there but sometimes even a 12 years old kid is higher than me. Just imagine I'm 20 and that kid was only 12 but when I look at her I have to look up. When I say shortest, of course my two younger sisters are higher than me. It's not what's wrong with me since I'm the eldest but I'm the shortest, maybe it's genetic. When I was in school, since primary school or should I say since kindergarten, I did not participate in any kind of sports. Both of my sisters were school athlete. Lompat jauh, pecut, beratus-ratus meter apa ntah, just give it to them. Masa middle school pun, I was active in kawad kaki only. Maybe that's why they're higher than me apart from those genetic ke apa ntah.

When I say it's not a bad thing actually being short, yes it is. I know, there's a lot of short girl yang rasa insecure but trust me, being short is a gift.

1. Always look younger than anyone else. 
When I go to an event or whatsoever with my family, people will think I adik, and my adik is my kakak. See, people also still think I'm a school student. Strangers always ask me "Adik ni tingkatan berapa?".

2. Get more attention.
When I was in school, I usually go to a lot of camp. So, masa kat kem, jurulatih will always notice me. They will be like 'pendeknya budak tu'. Masa jungle trekking, trainers will say to my friend to keep an eye on me, takut hilang nanti.

3. Always in front.
Taking pictures, line up in the assembly, line up before class, I will always at the front.

4. Every boy is taller than you.
I don't remember seeing someone at my age that was shorter than me. So, maybe you'll never have a boyfriend that is shorter than you and have a taller boyfriend is super cute.

Still, there's something that you have to let go for being short. For example, you can never be a pilot or a police if your height is hundred and four something like me. Sometimes, there's clothes that you can't simply wear. I can't just buy any palazo that I like because most of them are too long for me. I just wish that there's a special boutique for short people.

Whatever it is, don't forget to say Alhamdulillah. Allah know what's best for us. Being short is cute and it's not a super big problem. You just have to love yourself and be thankful and your life will be much better. You are beautiful the way you are. Short is cute and I'm cute. hehehe.

CSR in Satun, Thailand

HI AND HELLO

On 18/03/2017, me and my friends and a few of FiST student yang pada masa tu sebenarnya dah tamat pengajian di Kolej Mara Kuala Nerang had joined a CSR. Pehal skema do ayat. CSR ni under kolej. We went to Satun, Thailand.

First tu, I really wanna go but they said it's only for CSR club and they had opened it to other students as well but I'm too late and masa tu dah penuh. I was like 'Okay, maybe bukan rezeki aku nak pergi'. Khairin (my best friend), was the ajk of that club so kiranya dia pergilah. Kalau dah namanya rezeki, one day aku tengah makan-makan and suddenly Khairin cakap 'Weyh, cepat bukak group cepat'. Aku pun kalut gila bukak group. Tengok-tengok ada sorang student ni, she can't go and she wanna find someone to replace her. Aku apa lagi, cepat-cepat PM.

Takdir dah membawa aku untuk satu bas dengan crush. Enough of the nonsense. We went there by bus. Well, I can't exactly remember what time we're leaving but if I'm not mistaken at 9 or 10 like that. It takes about two hours to arrive at the boarder and that time ramainya Ya Rabbi. We're standing at the boarder line just to cop that passport punya la lama and I think for one step takes about an hour. Masa tu dah pukul 12 tengah hari dengan beg bagai lagi. Dengan muka tangan burn tapi nasib crush kat depan kan so tak rasa panas sangat la. hahahahahahaha. Disebabkan lama sangat menunggu, pengarah collect all of our passport and I don't know how, and we just passed through the boarder and went to the transport yang tunggu kitaorang.

At last, we arrived at Kampung Pasir Panjang, Satun, Thailand. It's so beautiful. Clean and beautiful. Villagers sambut dengan kenduri bagai and of course the food there is  so delicious nasib aku ni tau malu je kalau muka tembok dah lama aku tambah berkali-kali. Not to mention, aku ni spesis kuat makan tapi badan kecik. Then, we're divided to a few groups and each group had their own family angkat. Luckily for me, me and Khairin were in one group. Yay. and the other two was Amira and Nazu. We're the anak angkat tok imam of that kampung. Jangan memain kau.

Matrik students and I forgot their name. Sorry xD

Me and Khairin

This is when we waited in the masjid. Solat and so on before they asingkan kitaorang.













This was the first day after we got our family angkat, we went to explore the kampung. Mak and ayah asked us to use the motorcycle but since it's four of us so we thought we just walked. Sorry for the blur picture. I had problem with my lens. The auto focus is broken so I just used the manual focus but since it's someone else who took the pic so it became that way.

meeting

This was our first night at Thailand. We just discussed what to do, who's in charge for cat masjid and who's in charge to teach budak-budak and so on.

Pemandangan dia cantik gila. Khairin yang bawak motor bawak aku kat sini.  

Azab gila aku nak jalan atas kayu-kayu tu. After a few moments of pujuk memujuk aku pun jalan ke tengah sikit.

This is the second night. Ada majlis sikit malam tu. Ada persembahan but we went a bit late sebab aku makan banyak gila masa kat rumah. Like memang banyak gila-gila sampai tak muat perut aku.

Boys kena buat persembahan and they sang Sebiru Hari Ini by Edcoustic.

Our family

This was the last day which was the third day in Thailand. Sedih tu jangan cakap la. Memang sedih.

Me with ayah and mak. It was so hard to say goodbye. They were very kind and lovely to us. We're very glad to know them and be their anak angkat even just for three days.









After we said our goodbye, we went to University of Songkla. Nothing much but we got a lot of knowledge. Basically, it's all about medical and I'm not really that interested in that kind of stuff. They went there maybe because wanna give motivation to the SPC student I think (medic student). But it's my first time of course seeing corpses everywhere. Manusia yang diawet dalam balang kaca. I thought I was in other planet or something. Rasa macam tengok alien. It was kinda funny but scary at the same time. You can see real brain, real organ and everything is real. That place is really not for me. Ughh.

Bertolak balik Malaysia pun dah petang dah. We arrived at 9 pm i guess. Well, that's my story about my last memories with KMKN, with my friend, with my Ichigo. It's very enjoyable, fun and I get to know many things. Not all people are lucky so we should be thankful with our perfect life. Help people, make them happy. It's for our akhirat jugak kan. Apa salahnya.

The Only Girl

Assalamualaikum and hi.

Last month, aku ada technical training which was my last semester as a foundation student. Kinda like practical jugak tapi tak buat dekat Kolej Mara Kuala Nerang tapi buat dekat UniKL yang students tu isi for their degree lah. As for me, i choose UniKL MSI sebab aku memang nak sambung in Mechanical Automotive. Dengan excitednya aku isi masa tu hoping that I will get the offer from MSI.

Luckily, I got it. Tapi malang tidak berbau seperti yang dikatakan pepatah melayu, I was the only girl. Masa tu entah la nak react macam mana pun tak tau. I was happy sebab I got what I want but at the same time serabut memikirkan what will happen to me.

Frankly speaking, aku menangis kut sebab kalau boleh aku tak mau lah jadi the only girl. Total semua ada 12 orang dan aku satu-satunya yang berlainan jantina. But I have to go lah sebab kalah tak aku tak boleh grad dari foundation. Dengan hati yang berat dan luluh, aku pun pergilah technical training tu selama sebulan di UniKL MSI, KULIM.

At first tu, awkward gila la. I do it all alone. Makan, pergi kelas even nak cakap pun aku cakap sorang-sorang dalam bilik. Tapi nasib baik lah, senior-senior kat sana baik dan banyak sangat tolong aku. Ada yang bawak aku jalan-jalan, pergi makan-makan and even explain kat aku what exactly mechanical automotive is. I was really really touched. But still, aku jadi orang yang pendiam gila sebulan tu sedangkan aku orangnya otak masuk air.

Masuk second week tu, aku dah terbiasa dah. Then rasa macam best la pulak. Ya lah kan, lecturer pun kenal aku and ramai yang ambik berat. Dalam kelas pun, classmates banyak tolong aku itu ini so aku rasa being the only girl bukannya teruk pun. Cuma kena pandai bawak diri dan buat muka innocent.

Aku sangat amazed dengan diri aku sebab sepanjang sebulan tu aku survive dengan jayanya.

Moral of the story, lalui dulu benda tu then only you'll know it.

Shory Video

https://youtu.be/DQ-S1fwOgBw

That is the link to my first ever short video. I did say i didn't want to do it but then this morning I end up uploading on youtube.

Video Editing

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

HI AND HELLO

It has been a while. Well, i'm on my holiday now so i guess i will have time in writing my blog. Now, i'm more focusing on video editing. When i was at school or in college, i did a few editing la. Sebab masa tu ada homework or assignment yang related dengan video making, short drama and so on lah. So aku terpanggil untuk edit video tu since aku memang suka dengan benda alah ni semua.

Since I don't have anything to do for a few month, I'd played with Adobe Premiere and I love it of course. Before this I did my editing with Movie Maker and Sony Vegas Pro but now I think I'm gonna stick with Adobe Premiere Pro. Lagi senang dari Vegas Pro kut. Pendapat aku la since aku ni tak adalah terer mana sangat dalam editing ni.

Tadi aku try a few tricks by myself, and I DID IT. Aku pernah jugak terfikir nak buat vlog but I'm not really the type yang boleh bercakap or that kind of makhluk yang bercakap pandai.  Well, aku okay ja in talking actually but I don't know what I should talk about. Dan kemudiannya aku simpan dalam-dalam je lah niat aku tu nak jadi vlogger.

Blogging #3

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

HI AND HELLO

Well, it has been a while since I didn't log in to this account and it has been a few years that I didn't post a thing to this blog. Ayee, since I have been reborn ok no.. since I have finished my study so I think that I will have a plenty of time SO I can update this blog frequently. I have a few month before continuing my study in Bachelor of Mechanical (Automotive) in UniKL MSI.

I have in love in Puisi. Sejak bila pun entah la. But what I know is aku rasa puisi dapat sampaikan sesuatu benda dengan lebih mendalam compared to kalau sampaikan dengan ayat bahasa melayu baku yang biasa mahupun menggunakan ayat bahasa melayu biasa dengan dialek negeri masing-masing ataupun bahasa inggeris dengan pelbagai accent.

So, maybe we'll start again. I'll write what I wanna write, do whatever that I wanna do and maybe I'll post a few of my Puisi that I have written. Perhaps.

Mirai E

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

HI AND HELLO

It has been a long time. I'm a little busy now because final exam is just two weeks from now so i need to do some study. Eheh?? some? Oh yaa. Whatever.

Mirai e? Who knows haa?

It's a song title. The one i put in my blog. Best kan. What is know is, mirai e means towards the future. Do you know what? I really really really love this song since I was eight years old.

How did I know this song?

It was my father who showed me this song. It happened in Ramadhan 2005, when we muslim were fasting. It was my second year of fasting. In the evening, I was so tired and I can't stand the hunger and the thirst. My father said that he wanted to show me something, then he show me the video. Actually the song is the theme of final fantasy. Since that time until now, I'm in love with final fantasy and also mirai e. I can listen to the song for a hundred times without bored. The song is something that makes me really really into it. 

The song also reminds me to my father. I miss him so much. I miss my family too. Nahh, it's okay. This week, I will go home. It's holiday. yay. I'm gonna 'celebrate' my study week at my hometown with my father, mother and all my family. Ermm..why I sound like soooo skema ni. 

Okay, that's enough. The title is about mirai e so we gonna talk about mirai e, not about me. Ehh, wait. Kenapa in english haa. Okay, maksud lagu tu pun aku suka. It gives me strength and hope to walk ahead. To face the future. Oh, and also it was sang by Kiroro. I like her. :D

Here's the translation of the song:-

Look! Look at your feet
This is the road you walk
Look! Look ahead of you
That is your future

My mother gave me so much kindness
"Embrace love and walk," she said over and over
At that time I was still immature, I didn't understand her meaning
She held my hand and walked with me
Our dreams are always high in the sky
It's scary that they might not come true, but we still continue to chase them
Because it's our story, we don't want to give up
When I was unsure she held my hand and walked with me

There were times when I hated that kindness
When separated from my mother I couldn't be obedient

Look! Look at your feet
This is the road you walk
Look! Look ahead of you
That is your future

There were times when I hated that kindness
When separated from my mother I couldn't be obedient

Look! Look at your feet
This is the road you walk
Look! Look ahead of you

That is your future
Look! Look at your feet
This is the road you walk
Look! Look ahead of you
That is your future

Turn towards the future
Let's walk slowly

Credit : Jpop Music

Result

Result SPM just around the corner. Tak lama mana dah pun. Esok ja. Jangan tanya nervous ka dak. Dah tentu-tentu la. Even budak yang dah confirm staraight As pun gitu apatah lagi aku. Kan. Hope everything will be just fine. Wish me luck.

So untuk esok sebarang chat, text mahupun email takkan dilayan sama sekali. Harap maklum. Kalau di whatsapp aku akan reply emoji je tak pun tinggalkan blue tick. Kalau call pulak aku akan biaq operator maxis yang tolong jawabkan. I really don't want to be disturbed tomorrow. Tak lama pun aku buat mcm tu. Esok tu okay la. Tanya laa apa nak tanya KECUALI RESULT.

Yakin dengan Allah semuanya akan okay. The main thing is aku tak yakin dengan diri sendiri actually. Tapi semua tu tak mustahil kan. Now let Allah do the rest. InsyaAllah you'll get what you want.

Rindunya

Assalamualaikum..
Hi and hello...

Okay..entry hari ni macam kureng sikit sebab post melalui fon. But it is okay.. Aku cuma nak luahkan something..something yang aku dah lama pendam..ecewahh..haha..tak dak laa lamaa gila..baru-baru ni jugak laa.. memandangkan aku ni jenis yang suka luahkan perasaan melalui writing and even sometimes drawing so aku tulis laa dlm blog nie. Seriously aku tak ada diary. Unofficial diary..memang tak ada. Once dulu I had it but now dh 'vanish' atas sebab-musabab yang tertentu.

I just wanna say I miss my friends..badly..truly. Gila lama dah kut tak jumpa. Aku nak laa cerita pasai kawan2 aku sikit..

Thas Lee. Ni kawan aku yang memang ikatan kimia dia kuat gila dengan aku.. Ikatan ganda empat mcm tu..*harap maaf tiada gambar.. Aku start kawan dgn dia since form two. Ingt lagi masa tuu mula2 nak kawan dia nak pinjam pembaris panjang aku then dia terconteng guna marker. Start tuu laa aku rapat dia. Nak kata punya rapat tuu sampai mak aku pun boleh komplot dengan dia. Dia peramah sangat orangnya.

Eichah..*chah i miss u so badly.. Yg ni dia banyak gelaran. Chah..eichah..che pah..cha cha..macam2. And dia jugak yg bagi gelaran Chucky kat aku. Ala...chucky patung tuu laa..katanya mata aku macam mata chucky. Pun boleh..she is a very good listener. Aku sukaa story mory dengan dia sbb dia akan bagi a very good response..

Ku'ah.. ohh.. yang ni memang special. Haha.. Aku tau dia banyak terasa dengan aku tp dia keep smiling and telan jaa like nothing happens. I'm sorry.. thats why i love her. Dia faham aku. Dia lawak. Senang nak buat kerja dgn dia. Ni laa pembantu..penyelamat..bidan terjun..semua laa dia tolong aku dlm kelab fotografi..dia sekelas dgn ak time form one tp time tu kami tak rapat lagi. Sapa sangka laa ni boleh jd isi dengan kuku..

Nana.. yang ni si qenjong. Dia tinggi. Kalau aku duduk dgn dia wahh..beza you.. tapi dia baik sangat. Childish mcm aku jugak..haha..time form one sekelas dgn aku.dia duduk line belakang aku jaa..banyak bantu aku dalam KFV macam Ku'ah.

Yana.. baik..pandai..and yana sangat sangat pandai psyco orng. Haha.. aku salute laa dengan dia. Dia boleh tafsir perangi orng tuu just dgn cakap dan perati orng tuu..thats my friend.. and dia pun kawan dgn aku since form two..

I miss them so much..as much as the stars in the sky..as much as the sand at the shore. Ecewah..bermadah pulak yee... instead of boring aku nk luahkan perasaan. Tak salah kann....

Before and After

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

HI AND HELLO

Long time no see yoo...setelah sekian lama aku dah tak update blog ni. Almaklumlahh hari tu busy study but now i'm free. Tak payah nak pegang buku lagi dah. buat masa ni la kan.. Qasa janggal pulak bila tak pegang buku ni. Qasa lain macam. Woho.. ngada-ngada.

Haqi tu before exam ada laa jugak plan what i'm going to do after exam. Nak amek kursus tu laa.. ni la.. kelas lukisan laa..kelas music laa.. nak amek lesen kereta la..n so on. but now aku dok kat qumah goyang kaki yoo.. macam tadak plan apa2. dah kenapa aku ni.

But when i think about it..it's kinda funny. not only me but ramai jaa kut mcm tuu.. stakat observation aku la. lain pada nogori kedah darul aman ni entah laa pulok.

Then there's another problem. Big problem. hehe.. nak sambung form six ka tak eh?? just untuk sementara tunggu tawaran matriks kaa apa kaa ja la.. stakat nak kaut ilmu dari Maahad terchenta. Tak laa smpai nak amek stam. Hati aku macam tak mau pi tapi ye la kan ikut hati mati ikut rasa binasa. Dah tuu aku nak ikut yang mana. Ikutkan hati n nak duk qumah ja. buat apa yang patut..ewahh...konon...tak paa nanti aku pikiaq lain.. boleh ka pulak..

Setakat ni tadak laa lagi aku dengar depa yang dah kawen. Kut laa kan. Bukankah kawin awal boleh menglakkan zina. Tak gitu. hehe.. Yang pakat pi amek lesen tu berlambak nuu haaa. Bagaikan cendawan yang melata selepas hujan katakan.

Rindunya aku kat kawan2.. Lama dah tak merapu sesama. makan sesama. lepak sesama. Bad smash fan & co yg dirindui. ecewah.. Bila ntah nak hang out. Boleh jumpak depa...

Happy Eid

Assalamualaikum and hi..

Tak terlambat lagi kan for me to wish happy eid to all muslim around the world. Dah hari raya kelima baru nak wish tapi still raya lagi kan. Bukan apa dah lama sangat kut tak update blog ni. Lagi pun time hari raya ni busy sikit. Tak sempat nak online. 

Hari ni dah masuk bulan ogos dah. Uu.. aku ada lagi 24 days before trial. Better study now.. Bye..