Another Heartbreak

 Hi,

This is another heartbreak story!!!

After I broke up, I'd fall for someone else. Someone I thought more mature than me because he is 3 years older than me. We went out, he always give me strength and motivation as at that time I was on my internship programme and he basically gave me motivation on becoming an engineer because he is one. I had fall for him. I know it's kinda early because I'd just broke up with my ex.

After a few month of knowing each other, he went missing for a few days. I'd told my friend if he came back I'd tell him that I like him. On my birthday I prayed to God, if he is really mine, make him come back to me. At 2 pm that day, he texted me and wished for my birthday. Since I thought maybe this is maybe a hint from God, I'd confessed my feeling to him. I literally told him I like him. Well, a feeling will always be a feeling, he told me we're just friend and nothing more. I except that and continued to be friend with him. We still went out, sometimes we watched movie together. My feeling for him never fade. 

Being rejected was not the saddest part. Last week, I went out with him to watch spiderman together. That night I saw a picture of a girl and I ask him the next day. I ask if that girl is his girlfriend and he just said it is complicated. I know that's the cue for me to walk away. I don't want to go out with someone else's no matter what excuses he gave. I need and have to walk away. My heart broke into thousand of pieces and I don't think I have some left. It is my fault at the first place to have feeling for someone else. 

Two heartbreaks in the same year. My depression becoming worse. More bad things that had happened. My cat died. I feel like I'm becoming someone else with different personality. I'm being rebellious with myself. I couldn't wait for 2021 to end because it is such a disastrous year. I just wanted to focus on my career and nothing else since I am a QA engineer now. I will make myself busy with works so I don't have time to miss him.  I don't have a choice. 

Note to myself : Please don't fall in love again. You don't have any heart to give. 

Note to him : I still have feeling for you and hope it'll be over soon. I hope you'll be happy.